Obeying When I Don't Understand

Lately I feel like I’m expected to be in one of two camps: passionately pro-quarantine or passionately anti-quarantine. If I’m pro-quarantine, I should believe that the shutdown is the only correct reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic and that any other viewpoint is anti-science and profoundly selfish. And if I’m anti-quarantine, I should believe that the shutdown is a massive overreaction to bad data and even deliberate lies, and any other viewpoint is blind kowtowing to politicians.

Normally, I focus mostly on my own day-to-day life and try to avoid getting too worked up over governmental issues and arguments. But now that government rules have had me sheltering in my home alone for weeks, isolated in a way that can be lonely and stressful, I can’t just shrug and move on. The question of whether these rules are good or bad, too much or too little, is on my mind every day.

This would all be easier for me if I had a firm position on COVID-19. We’ve all been seeing the same evidence, listening to the same debates—and I don’t know anymore what I think. People I love and respect make really compelling arguments on both sides—that the shutdown is saving lives or that the shutdown is destroying lives. I hurt for my friends who are out of work and terrified of the future, and I hurt for my friends who have watched love ones suffer with this disease and are terrified of getting sick. The principle in Proverbs 18:17 applies here: “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.”

As a black-and-white thinker, I struggle deeply with the inability to reach a firm opinion on what the correct answer is. As a people-pleaser, I struggle with feeling out-of-step with people I care about, on both sides of the issue. But as God walks me through this time of solitude, I’m realizing that ultimately, I must follow Him through these murky waters. Here are three principles helping me to do just that.

1. Obey the Authorities

Romans 13:1 says, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.” I’m skeptical of some of the rules that the authorities have set up—very skeptical, in fact. On the few occasions when I’ve been in the vicinity of a friend in recent weeks, I’ve resented the fact that I can’t reach out and hug them, and I’ve wondered if I’m being ridiculous by following the rules so strictly. When I consider the minimal risk that I perceive in accepting a dinner invitation, I feel embarrassed saying no in order to obey a rule that I have some pretty big doubts about.

But when I look at the Bible, I don’t see anything I can do but obey. In countries where Christianity is forbidden, where Christians break the law by owning a Bible or by gathering for church services, they must deny an earthly authority to obey the ultimate heavenly authority. But I’m not in their shoes; my obeying quarantine doesn’t cause me to sin, and so although I hate it, I must continue to do it, trusting that God will bring something good out of an obedience that doesn’t make much sense to me.

2. Don’t Skip Church

In Hebrews 10:25 we read, “Let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near.” My church has worked hard to create ways for us to honor this instruction from God within the confines of the law. I watch the online service weekly, I take part in visit/prayer sessions that my pastor offers online, and I communicate the way I do best—in writing—through letters and social media to my church family. As this situation drags on and I struggle with feeling weary and resentful, I’ve been tempted to just skip it when it all seems too hard.

But every time I join a prayer meeting, I get a level of help that I didn’t know I needed. Every time I listen to the sermon and post a note thanking those who recorded it, it reminds me that they went out of their way to encourage me this week. I need to not give up in my efforts to connect with and support the family of God.

3. Don’t Gripe

Philippians 2:14 says it plainly: “Do everything without grumbling or arguing.” This is the hardest one for me, by a long shot. When I saw a trusted Christian leader post this verse the other day in relation to COVID-19, it drew me up short. I find it far too easy to congratulate myself for obeying the rules and to give myself permission to do it with a lot of eye-rolling. But that’s not obedience from the heart.

I don’t know why God has placed me in this position, where I feel like I both agree and disagree with everybody about everything. But I do know that as a result, I am constantly reminded that Christ alone is my salvation – not a set of restrictions trying to rescue me from COVID, not a societal movement trying to rescue me from government overreach.

Maybe God has me walking through this alone to remind me that He’s the only one whose side I need to be on. “You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head.” (Psalm 139:5)